Of psycho-analyses, promised lands and PG Wodehouse

These days I am a strange bundle of contradictions. (I mean I've always been a BoC but these days I'm a strange one). Sometimes I am so disappointed about the fact that I cannot be myself. These times are painful. Other times I am shocked at the me that I am. These times are first disappointing, then slowly painful. I suspect being the one will even out the other. But I am annoyed with myself for not giving me the chance, even more annoyed for letting circumstances take that chance away.

Where's the calm, collected (well maybe not!) secure grown-up, all integrated and unfazed? LOL. I know she's around somewhere but I miss her. My well delayed New Year's eve resolution - Make a habit of Miss Calm Collected Grown-Up and then she will come to stay. Bah, onto lighter subjects...

No matter how much my phiz floweth forth (by my able endeavours) with milk and honey, and for good measure, face packs and herbal concoctions, I still have spots the size of tangerines as giant mangoes relentlessly assault my senses - and erm my skin! Nevertheless one must plod on, as jolly old Joshua and Caleb would have said. One must look one's giant in the eye with a rallying 'What-ho, chappie' and proceed to battle even in the face of imminent danger.

LOL, sorry, feeling a bit Wodehousian this time round. I do have my own style (*she said panicking* LOL) - I'm just, uh, playing to the galleries ;D

Have I mentioned how Shadow gets gorgeouser and gorgeouser every day?? Guessing that's how God meant creation to be - groaning inwardly and yearning towards the final glory :DDD (*big grins*).

Hugses and kisses, my loveses,

bbye ;)

Funny English contd...

Or - or 'hair-brained' *she gasps* - I mean that would be a major foolicle ;). Where on earth do they get these ideas?? I s'pose it's because more native speakers speak and don't read - and so they assume 'hair', 'hare' not being in their immediate (dare I say limited?) vocabulary at all! But aaahh!!

Or 'bear-faced design'?? I mean - so there's a horse-faced design and a bull-faced design in the offing??

'The site of it' - ahem, has anyone ever heard of homophones and the fact that there is a flippin' difference??

'Viscous' - instead of 'vicious'.

And I have a friend who emails all these long words - so often misspelled!! Gah! (I owe my recent proliferation of 'gahs' to BO, who has sneakily rubbed that habit off on me! Gah!)

Don't expect this to end - I shall probably off-load here all too often on the subject of the much maligned language. AND (see, I told you ;P it's happening already) - why on earth are we all becoming American in our English?? We are Indian - we have a history and the British were a part of that. That was more than half a century ago. Now we ourselves have appropriated our English... then why why why copy mindlessly?? Gah! The defeat of my argument lies right in it anyway - so I'll stop now :( But it does have its points, you know. I mean, "multie-talented"??? In my dictionary, that is just not in :-)P

Funny English

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I talk too much - faaaaaarrrr too much. Tis a far, far better thing to shut up than I have ever done before... but unlike Carton I don't think I'm going to follow through. You might also guess that I am in another of those silly moods, somewhat like my ramble about a month ago ... maybe I'm just well-timed. Or you might notice because of the wealth of wisdom I display (now if I could just say 'my minions' it would complete the desired effect for that sentence - but I can't cos you're not and you'll be mad and I love you anyway :( )... *Giggle* Ah well...

I want to rant about another of my favourite subjects - the general widespread culture of abuse of that innocent (well, not really) victim - the English Language!!

I mean what can you do with someone who misspells 'maelstrom' so grotesquely (yep, it has been my IM status for the past coupla days!) as to call it 'male-storm'?? And no pun intended... Well, LOL, serves me right for reading a tepid, trashy, mushy first-thing-I-found-online-because-library-was-inaccessible book! And the idiot's mind was on a man - so malestorm might have been right. But then they just misspelled it right through with a grace and aplomb you would have to see to believe :O And then things like 'I had to give him a peace of mind for my piece of mind' - first, I didn't know minds were dissectable, and second it sounds slightly cannibalistic! *Siighhh*

I know, I know what you're going to say - the drama-queenness is overdone, pilgrim. LOL. Fffine :P But these errors really make me laugh and wind me up at the same time. Siiiiggghhh, it's probably why I love teaching English (more so when I'm not doing it;O).

Here's another one which only made me laugh. It was a friend and she's quite nice and hey, she's not undertaking to write a full-length novel and misspell in its first language, is she? Okay here goes - My dad had a provisional store. No, the store wasn't optional just in case other stores didn't work out. LOL.

I've already given you one by the famous college principal in my Those Random Things post. But here's another one - "I have two daughters, both girls".
I, most emphatically, did not make that up. *Giggle*

Another thing - why do so many people (these are mostly native speakers!) use 'I should of' instead of 'I should have'?? Bothers me no end ;) So yeah, the unstressed form of both words is [əv]... so? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever - LOL LOL the funniest bit is when they actually stress the unstressed words in speech and it comes out 'I should OF'...

Okay rant over. RIP :P

Fruit of the Spirit

I know that I have subjected you, dear reader (I told you I had a Bronte complex, just be glad I didn't go with 'gentle reader' :P), to a recent prolificacy (I checked and that word does exist :P) of short spurts of creativity... And I am probably going to do it again. Maybe you're better off without the longer, rather interminable rambles ;)

God taught me something, gave me a flash of insight that I am deeply grateful for. There are nine qualities or virtues listed out in the Galatians 22:5,6 bit. But the collective noun for them all in that sentence is 'fruit' and it is singular. I spotted this a few years ago and quite predictably, being the inimitable if slightly patience-testing me, I thought Aha! Grammar mistake - probably a typo!! Call Zondervan! LOL. But in a few more moments I realised God definitely meant for it to be that way. God was saying something - immense yet succinct. I was not exhibiting the fruit if I failed in one of it. I could not ever take it all at one go and be the super-Christian. And I realised it only came as a fruit of the Spirit. God was who I had to seek.

Time has taught me that spending time in His presence, seeking intimacy with Him, just loving Him and learning to love Him makes that fruit happen. See, I can't take and mould the creation out of clay like God did... all I can do is water the vine it falls from :D Well, what can I say... I'm thick and it often take me some time to figure it out ;) His presence brings His glory among us.

But the recent insight was a little bit deeper. There was this moment when I suddenly realised with a hard little catch that I had lost a little bit of the joy. It was only a brief period, but as thoughts go, I then realised I had also been a bit worried and nervous all day. The thought hung in the air before it took shape inside my slightly foggy brain - I knew it was going to be born. LOL.

So I'd lost my peace. Then I saw how the love had gotten chipped away too. And faster than I knew it, I finally grasped what God was saying. I have never realised how dependent they are. Without peace, my heart was not going to be as joyful. Without love, the irritability and not the calm surfaced. Patience (which I dearly need) allows peace, kindness patience... For instance, self-control will not let me act on selfish impulse, it spells patience and peace and love and gentleness and faithfulness...

I am no goody two-shoes. My friends and family will vouch for it ;D I might still take it upon me to tell little M to cut it out - but she will know and I will know that I care, and she doesn't take more than a few minutes to come back and ask if she can visit. As it is, for those who are interested, she has been invited to visit and made arrangements even before she was asked... Let's see if today finds me watching Lion King or the likes and enjoying myself hugely :D.

Lord, You are beautiful. Thank You for being You. You're just fantastic, and thank You for us!!

PS Not quite as short as you'd hoped, eh? ;P

Re: A love note

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She listened to the preacher talking about the abundance of joy God gives. How had she forgotten if but for a moment? Where had those walls come from? They were easy enough to break but who built them? When?

When the meeting came to an end and the usual songs were sung and the prayer was being prayed, the preacher asked for the people to lift their hands up as a token and receive the blessing God was offering. And slowly she did... while waves of joy broke over the people, she held her hands up to those hands that were reaching down...

I've got you. I'm never going to let you go.

And the gift goes on

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You can always bring the blame back to yourself. It is good to admit responsibility, but to take it on is not possible. Simply because like I said, I find it easy to always trace something back to an action of my own. And that's why Jesus took it on. The error is mine, the temptation from outside of me, but the redemption is from Jesus.

I am sorry. I won't do it again. But thank You for paying for the consequences...

It's the best any of us can do, whether it's a word out of season or even hatred against someone.

PS I must remember that nothing and no one can claim any part of me when God claims all of me. Politeness comes second, I think :) We are His to give to the people He chooses, and I am thankful for the people He has given to me.

Those random things

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I can't dance except in worship - in a locked room!

I sing high. Very high. And I do this sometimes in the shower(only the one in my room here in my parents' house, don't worry) just to clear my head! LOL

Dreams are usually like movies - with plots and everything. Or more like novels... with details! Once I dreamt that my father was telling me off very severely and I decided I had to end the unfair tirade - as I did not know what had led to the extensive lecture. I woke up, found my father in the garage, walked upto him and asked him in no uncertain terms why on earth he was going on yelling at me like that! *Appa, yaen kathurae??!!! Yaen kathurae?? Just tell me!!* (Appa, why are you shouting? Why are you shouting??? ...) Naturally my poor appa looked on in utter consternation at his maybe-deranged little daughter. LOL (Yes, it was some time ago)

Dogs are a long-standing tradition in the family. Our dog had pups three days after my mum had me - and she tells me she used to get confused about which babies had been fed - the human one or the canine ones...

I am now wondering why this has become a list of childhood stories instead of random facts. I shall endeavour not to bore whoever reads this.

There is a principal of a college I know of who, looking from a balcony in his office on campus, once told my teachers who were visiting - "All the land rotating is ours."

I have always thought the hero of my first (if ever) novel shall be called 'Adrian'. I then met someone called Adrian - he, his wife and kids were lovely but he wasn't what I had in mind.

Chicken eggs are white in India. They are brown in the UK. Has always intrigued me. Did our chickens colonise them or theirs ours?

Some of my friends still suspect I have a baby female elephant in my backyard with pink clothes on sometimes.

A love note

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I just feel this need to write. Intense, urgent, nameless... UNnegligible. And it is a specific need to write as an act of worship. To pour my heart out on celluloid paper, so to speak, and lay it out as an offering to the single person in the whole entire universe who can always (and that is always) smile away my mood... even when those smiles have tears. I know I sound highly melodramatic - but I'm using all the words I know for a feeling that surpasses them :/ And it is the kind of love that hurts in its intensity... Ever felt it? Happens sometimes, with some people, some of those 'some' people more often than others ;)

Well, David could sing. He could play the harp. I only try to play the guitar. And the piano has given up on me. But I looked for this verse and found it for you...

My heart is stirred with a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the King
my tongue is the pen of a skilful writer...

Except that my keyboard happens to be the tongue of an 'available' singer :D

There are many random things I am sure I will want to waffle about later today. But for now I can't take my mind off how beautiful God is. The Bible says 'We love him, because he first loved us'. And how. And yet, most times that's the best we can say - I love you too. And it is enough because even that love comes from him, "because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit..."

This is probably why the gift of tongues is a really convenient blessing ;O

If you know Him, you know what I'm talking about. But keep looking for Him - He'll find you.

Praise report

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Well, yes, as used by some ministries... But my mum is great now, it seems it was a viral infection and the pain should go soon. And I've submitted the application I was looking to do and VBS is over. I promise to be more detailed and satisfactory soon.

Thank you for praying. I have been offline for a couple of days which explains the unusual delay in my almost-maniacal promptness in replying. It's a real encouragement to see fantastic people happening upon my blog! Love you all loads!

Father, please keep my Shadow well.

Prayer request

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I am asking to pray for my mother. I've just got really worried as she is not too well. And I know it is all only for a little bit and it'll go away, but I can't help crying even as I talk to my friends online! So if you would pray in Jesus' name, please pray.

PDAs

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Yesterday, I had a sudden 'moment of consciousness' (not quite Virginia Woolf though)... Who am I kidding? Love is stronger than death - true. But it is still a choice - yes, even if you are head over heels in love with someone as well as loving them (slight difference there ;D ). Love is an act, and if you don't or cannot show it... you are doing a rubbish job at loving someone.

This brings to mind something I did not think I would blog about. It was a random conversation with my mum about public displays of affection. Many Indians look on it as 'wrong' even. I am a borderline Indian, I suppose :O - I think public displays of affection can be cheesy and stilted and superficial, and many things are meant to be private. Agreed. But, within the bounds of public behaviour codes, it should be a very natural thing. The reason I take this stand is many Indians are quite ashamed and embarrassed by any open affection particularly between spouses... Wouldn't that offend you? That someone didn't want to accept loving you? Quote me right - affection, NOT steaminess :D LOL But public displays of affection (PDAs as I have heard them called) have been around since eternity and the greatest, heart-tugging-est one came about 2000 years ago from a Man who wasn't a man... Yet He was the perfect Man, the ideal from whom any man worth his salt (or woman for that matter) must take their cue. He was honest. He declared Himself. He wooed me when I would have run away and thrown His love back in His face. He doesn't just ask once or twice or even three times, He keeps asking and keeps forgiving. And then, yeah, the PDA I was talking about - He said He'd die for me... and He did. On a cross. In front of a laughing, weeping crowd. Maybe they were laughing at His foolishness. Maybe I did. It was the best thing He could have done. And He did it.

But we do it all the time. We downplay how much we love somebody and then believe our own lies. Imperceptibly at first. And then slowly a moment of consciousness comes - it may not take too long. But the truth is that, for however short a time, we have forgotten the choice to love. To spend time with them. To give of ourselves to them. We break promises and make loopholes to tell ourselves we haven't, not really. When it hurts is when you see that one side of the covenant is constant. So when I keep saying I love Him, but there is more time in my life for nearly everything else... what do I really mean? The message He gets is the message I'm giving. Sure, we talk and discuss every little incident of the day. We make notes to each other about every little moment. I say I love Him - and He means it. I do too, but I forget so often. And because it hurts, even once is too often. But I love Him - my first love - with every bit of me there is to love (or not to love :) ). I couldn't imagine a life without Him. But I know love is also an act, a choice, not just an emotion - and I forget it far too often. Recently I haven't done too well - not that I am very good usually. He brings me to reality always. But let's just say, I have learned the importance of time for the One you love, not just with Him.

So I say again, for the nth time on this blog, Lord Jesus, I am head over heels in love with You - and I am finding it's the right way up :D

Driving Lessons

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None of these are in sequential order and none of them make me sound very nice I'm afraid, or us. LOL. But we can be, sometimes ;)



Appa: TURN RIGHT. Turn right, I say! Why don't you listen??
Me: *Why does he start out sounding annoyed?* I am turning right.
Appa: No, you're not. Ethirthu pesathae (equivalent-but-not-quite: don't talk back. literal translation: do not speak against me/ in rebellion)
Me: I'm not!! *In fact, I'm too sleepy to bother to rebel!*
Appa: See? Ethirthu pesathae!




Appa: You're not taking the turn properly. I told you you had to move left and then turn right.
Me: Well, I did.
Appa: No, you did not.
Me: Grunt. (equivalent and literal translation: here we go again!)
Appa: You have to move left *I must really make her understand, and after all she has to see that I do have a point!!! I am teaching, after all.*
Me: Grunt. (equivalent and literal translation: yeah whatever...)

Some moments later...
Me: I did move left but you said to-
Appa: This is the problem. Ethirthu pesathae!!!
Me: Ethirthu pesalae!
Appa: Ethirthu pesathae!
Me: Pe-sal-lae... (no exclamation mark you will please note, to ensure correct tone quality reception) *He said to move to the opposite side indeed. But yesterday when I did he laughed! And reminded me that in India people drive on the left! And when I said he had asked me to move, he said yes but when turning, I didn't need to use the centre of the road like other practice times, but use the opposite side of the left track. I am confused BUT ETH-IR-THU PESA-LAEEEEE!! I am also sleepy. Therefore I will focus and shut up.*

Several minutes later...
Me: *Gasp! I shut up!! I'm such a good girl, Lord! Errrrrrrrm, now I really should shut up.*




Appa: Good turning.
Me: Grunt. (equivalent: thanks. literal translation: oh thanks, that was good to know, but after being not-bad-but-not-nice-either how can I now be effusive about it? I'm too sleepy to think that out but I hope the tenor of my grunt showed I feel appreciative and affectionate.)