Room 101

Okay this is going to be one of those '101' things I just can't GET and which drive me insane!


1. When you meet an Indian acquaintance, and you do the mandatory hug and they say "Oh it's been aaages" and you go "Yeah, I know it has, hasn't it? How are you??? Soooo glad to see you" and generally gush because Q.E.D. they have just brought it to your notice that it has been ages - why oh whyyyyyy do they then turn around and say "Why have you come back?" as if they were enquiring about a terminal illness of a mutual acquaintance!! I mean - how rude is that?! And why should I not be in India if I want to? And why do they then follow it up with "When are you going back?" Can they be any ruder? And they're mostly the aunty-uncle grade, with all the best intentions for a 'successful future'. It's just us who think it's a downgrade to be back in our country! Gah! I have extreme reactions to some of the sub-species. I feel like reaching out and yelling and clawing my hair apart and giving them a tight one, and just laughing with the absurdity. Thank goodness I'm not the impulsive kind. My mum and dad would have had to move a long time ago...

2. Nighties and sneakers. This one always makes me laugh. I mean okay you need a daily walk, or run or whatever it is that fights that fat, sister. But give over the fashion statement. Saris and sneakers are alliterative but secondary offenses.

3. Bad grammar, bad spelling... It just means you haven't read over what you've written or thought about it. I mean you can do without grammar if it makes sense. Phrases instead of sentences. Stream-of-consciousness writing. Okay, I can handle it. But don't ask me to "Let she open the window". Just don't. Okay. And if you do know the rights and the wrongs of it, please see the humour of the mistake with me. Thanks.

4. Getting told to do the same thing twice or three times over. Enough said on this one!

5. Why do people in Inner Circle (that's a socio-linguistic term) countries like the USA and UK etc assume that if you speak English and did not grow up on their native hemisphere, you must be some sort of prodigy???! Did they think the colonisation was just a dream (bad or otherwise) that lasted a couple of days? Or do they not see that people are more cross-cultural now? I mean get out of it.

6. Talking to me when I'm reading or just generally monosyllabic. I am probably in a moodswing or in deep introspection. If I were you, I'd leave the grouch to herself... she deserves it.

7. People who agree with me and start the sentence with 'No'. 'I think the hype's a bit much.' - 'Noo noo, they are over-reacting'. Er, YES, some people do that. Arrrgghhh. If you agree with me, just come out and say it! I do ;D.

8. When different is assumed bad - keep guidelines if you choose to see the world in a dichotomy. Or even if you choose to see part of it as one. It is I think. I do. Mine's the Bible. But not everything different is bad - not everyone who eats with their hands is unhygienic, and not everyone who goes out to a club for recreation is amoral. I'm sorry - different cultures, different rules. Live with it.

9. Indian public toilets. There's more usage outside those Corporation walls than inside. Again - when you're entirely modest and conservative with everything else, whyyyyyy this???!!

10. People who ask me how I manage my food. In a commiserating tone. Round eyes, shaking heads, and "Must have been very difficult. But you get 'our' ingredients easily, lai??" To which I always replied, "Er not really. It was rather on the expensive side." Then they'd say "Appo then how did you manage??" Errrm, I ate what was readily available? And liked it and survived? And if I thought about idly once in a long while, I didn't starve for it. Again I can't get the "Can you cook?" question. No, I can't or rather don't a lot. But I survive. And yes, I can put something together if I wanted to. Comprende?

11. This must be a tangent to 10. I CANNOT understand mothers who want cooking machines for their sons. Can she cook? Veetu velaiyella seivalaa??? Flippin' rubbish. Annoys me the sort of stuff people look for in finding brides and grooms. Nothing against arranged marriages. And I've known Casanova-wannabes also start off the stalking with the brilliant pick-up line 'So you can cook, huh? I'm sure you'll do better than me.' I don't know - many women would take pride in their culinary skills but so would men - and don't flippin' assume I can cook and better than you. It's the pressure, eedjit!

12. Dog-haters.

13. What makes me really grumpy, although if I'm with someone I just have to laugh! - the fact that India is slowly converting to the Western style of toilets... Errrr I have no problem with either EXCEPT that ummm India tends to wash and Europe and America tend to dry-clean!!! And the toilet goes with the territory. I hate hate hate yucky, wet WCs as we call them here - and I just don't understand why they won't have both like the good old days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Finally I am a nice person. Really. Just now and then on the occasional night, when the time's right I become a monster of insane intolerance... in the cyber world. Fiiinneee, don't believe me!

Randomness

Hmmm, why on earth would you listen to 'Ahuh, uh huh (good girl gone bad)' to make you feel better?? I mean why?

AB's having a bad case of nearly love again. AB's a darling.

Beautiful weather. There is absolutely nothing unlovely about rain. Or clouds.

I just might change to a new blogspot for complete anonymity. Just might be fun, seeing how people find me then or joining blogrolls and the like. Besides anonymity is necessary for a confession box - which is why I've never understood the parish priest's role... I mean look what happened in Zorro ;)

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Funny English

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I talk too much - faaaaaarrrr too much. Tis a far, far better thing to shut up than I have ever done before... but unlike Carton I don't think I'm going to follow through. You might also guess that I am in another of those silly moods, somewhat like my ramble about a month ago ... maybe I'm just well-timed. Or you might notice because of the wealth of wisdom I display (now if I could just say 'my minions' it would complete the desired effect for that sentence - but I can't cos you're not and you'll be mad and I love you anyway :( )... *Giggle* Ah well...

I want to rant about another of my favourite subjects - the general widespread culture of abuse of that innocent (well, not really) victim - the English Language!!

I mean what can you do with someone who misspells 'maelstrom' so grotesquely (yep, it has been my IM status for the past coupla days!) as to call it 'male-storm'?? And no pun intended... Well, LOL, serves me right for reading a tepid, trashy, mushy first-thing-I-found-online-because-library-was-inaccessible book! And the idiot's mind was on a man - so malestorm might have been right. But then they just misspelled it right through with a grace and aplomb you would have to see to believe :O And then things like 'I had to give him a peace of mind for my piece of mind' - first, I didn't know minds were dissectable, and second it sounds slightly cannibalistic! *Siighhh*

I know, I know what you're going to say - the drama-queenness is overdone, pilgrim. LOL. Fffine :P But these errors really make me laugh and wind me up at the same time. Siiiiggghhh, it's probably why I love teaching English (more so when I'm not doing it;O).

Here's another one which only made me laugh. It was a friend and she's quite nice and hey, she's not undertaking to write a full-length novel and misspell in its first language, is she? Okay here goes - My dad had a provisional store. No, the store wasn't optional just in case other stores didn't work out. LOL.

I've already given you one by the famous college principal in my Those Random Things post. But here's another one - "I have two daughters, both girls".
I, most emphatically, did not make that up. *Giggle*

Another thing - why do so many people (these are mostly native speakers!) use 'I should of' instead of 'I should have'?? Bothers me no end ;) So yeah, the unstressed form of both words is [əv]... so? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever - LOL LOL the funniest bit is when they actually stress the unstressed words in speech and it comes out 'I should OF'...

Okay rant over. RIP :P

Those random things

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I can't dance except in worship - in a locked room!

I sing high. Very high. And I do this sometimes in the shower(only the one in my room here in my parents' house, don't worry) just to clear my head! LOL

Dreams are usually like movies - with plots and everything. Or more like novels... with details! Once I dreamt that my father was telling me off very severely and I decided I had to end the unfair tirade - as I did not know what had led to the extensive lecture. I woke up, found my father in the garage, walked upto him and asked him in no uncertain terms why on earth he was going on yelling at me like that! *Appa, yaen kathurae??!!! Yaen kathurae?? Just tell me!!* (Appa, why are you shouting? Why are you shouting??? ...) Naturally my poor appa looked on in utter consternation at his maybe-deranged little daughter. LOL (Yes, it was some time ago)

Dogs are a long-standing tradition in the family. Our dog had pups three days after my mum had me - and she tells me she used to get confused about which babies had been fed - the human one or the canine ones...

I am now wondering why this has become a list of childhood stories instead of random facts. I shall endeavour not to bore whoever reads this.

There is a principal of a college I know of who, looking from a balcony in his office on campus, once told my teachers who were visiting - "All the land rotating is ours."

I have always thought the hero of my first (if ever) novel shall be called 'Adrian'. I then met someone called Adrian - he, his wife and kids were lovely but he wasn't what I had in mind.

Chicken eggs are white in India. They are brown in the UK. Has always intrigued me. Did our chickens colonise them or theirs ours?

Some of my friends still suspect I have a baby female elephant in my backyard with pink clothes on sometimes.