Slurps, sighs and spaces inbetween

Sluuurrrrp. Fish fry and chicken curry, appam and fish molie, praline souffle and chocolate mousse, bacon and chicken foccaccio with chicken cheese paratha, chocolate icecream, amma's curry and mangooooooes, kalappam and honey dosais, sapotas, pasta and a whole load of Mars bars. I repeat - mangoes.

I repeat, with just so many rs and us - sluuurrrrp.

Siiigghhh. Starting with the perfect bamboo bag of old blogdom, I have had a satisfying look at all the little arty knick-knacks you could imagine, and then intense shopping like saris and salwars and kurtas and tops and jeans... I have had a rummage through the library - notwithstanding the fact that the idiot told me there was some problem with my membership and I couldn't take out any because I couldn't produce the little tiny square piece of paper he gave me at least 7 years ago! I have had an elephant ride with my nicely nervous father - Malathy decided to poo as soon as we plomped our behinds on her! I have shopped for smellies - which are a lovely girly-girl thing to shop for and spices.

I repeat, with just so many is and gs and hs - siiigghhh.

And I have no slurps or sighs, just speechlessness for the awe that comes upon you when you realise that God's actually so much more beautiful than the wonder He's created. Bird-watching (one of them composed a new tune every day, he was the Malabar whistling thrush), elephant-riding, spice-trailing, exploring, mountain-walking, deer-spotting, photography and family.

And here's a random, bizarre conversation...

Appa: Hello? Yes, this is room 503.
Voice on other end: 503?
Appa: 503. What? 503. Er, 503 - 50... N, what's the room number again??
Voice: Right, 503.
Appa: Yes well, we have a problem - we have no hot water and we need to be at the airport in a couple of hours! (Btw, it was freezing.)
Voice: Oh, hoat 'oater? Should be there sir...
Appa: No, it's not. Is there a certain time when it'll start?
Voice: No time. All the time.
Appa: But I've asked and we still have no water - see, if there's a problem with the water -
Voice: No proablem, sir.
Appa: No, if there is - what I'm saying is... you just send up two buckets of hot water, no??!
Voice on other end: To drink, sir?

My bizarre goings-on

The most normal activity for the average girl and law-abiding citizen in your average family friendly neighbourhood in the late hours of the night - climbing down a ladder and a drainpipe onto a window to redeem a razor because it is the last remaining one before we can get to a shop tomorrow!! Yes, that would be normal, thank you...

LOL.

We have had an interesting weekend as A & M have arrived and I'm doing the touristy thing with them. We have a week of travelling ahead of us as well and are so looking forward to it. It's brilliant to be able to remember what a lovely place you live in too.

So we took a drive down to Mahabalipuram and went round all the monuments and carvings... we gave the shore temple a miss. My dad walked into the Five Rathas and was promptly stopped. Rudely. Then my mum and I. Now my dad was dressed in jeans, my mum in a salwar and me in jeans without anything er Indianly amiss... i.e. no tank tops, no halters, no tights, nothing remotely ramp-esque, no rolled up sleeves or trouser legs.... I mean I looked Indian... And I know it. Lol, the ultimate proof if you needed it, for instance - I am not of course suggesting for an instant that you don't believe me. Believe me!! I am so right ;D - I did not even have straightened hair! Ahhh, now I see your eyes rolling. Vanity, vanity - yeah, Solomon, you're the man ;).

Lol, anyway seriously - the man did not think we were Indian. Because we came with two people who were not Indian, so no 2 + 2 does not make four, really... No no no. So we had these tickets that he was not going to accept because he wanted us to prove that we were Indian and this is a half-hour down the road from our house! And my mum kindly informed me that I simply did not understand that in India they don't take to youngsters disagreeing. I don't understand that - I understand some people do wherever they are in the world... But er I still disagree :( I mean a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, eh?

Well, after that we found a cute little monkey whom my dad took on his lap... The story of the monkey is however that he was rather attracted to me :(. Yes, the life and loves of Pilgrim. Born Anno Domini___ , lived___, deeply mourned by Mr Monkey........

Oh and I got this perfect little bamboo bag that M bought for me for a present. It is gorgeous and a good size to carry when I'm going out for the day! It is just right, not too posh, not too tacky... and veeery in, ooohh yeah ;D

There were loads of things I wanted to put down on this blog but have no time. In fact, I'm so preoccupied it's taking longer! Bleh! So final news story for the day - one of these networking sites had my attention one jobless evening. So I messed about with the relationship status thingy looking for options - as in 'single but committed' or 'single and in a relationship with God' or 'in healthy relationships with friends and family' but er Booong Gutter Ball... So I went back to my old one, but the stupid interface put it on the news which means my church back in B has been in a state of furore (well, by church I mean girls' cell because it's the kind of thing you yak about between Bible studies and wellllllll after :D)... Did NOT know they were until a couple of days ago when RM finally broke it to me, asking me to 'put them out of their misery' and a day later M arrives to have a word with me about what did I think I was doing :D... Siiiiigggghhhh - and Darcy is either in P&P or in the process.

And by the way, just so you know God has been working out things in my life:D Wehey!!

Word

You search in so many places for the real me because you cannot bear the silence of waiting. It is the sort of silence one dreads. The silence in which you can hear yourself. But it is in the silence of waiting that I am found. In the truth about yourself, I come. Where I have always been, but you have chosen not to see. Vulnerability is the cost you must count.

Altars on the journey

Recently I have had what we shall call 'misty moments' rather more often. I suppose in seeking God, brokenness must come. It hurts. I've heard people say love hurts - that's probably why we don't spend enough time on our relationships. Well, I don't. I tend to think the more I love someone, the more secure that relationship is aaaand (here's the real cringer) therefore the less work and time it needs... And Jesus warned about losing the ardour of my first love. It brought a song out of me, once. In the words of Cliff Richard (lol, okay, okay I know, don't hit me ;O) - He knows me better than I know myself, eh? Because, you see, I have this idea that I've got it all together... and when the going's good, I somehow get it into my thick skull that I've got less cleaning up than some... Ooooh boy, I know I'm wrong when I think about it. But complacency happens - far too often.

By the way, on a lighter note, maybe I'm just wired that way!! My mum would probably agree - I leave a couple of clothes on the bed telling myself it's only a couple. I will use it soon enough. Makes sense, doesn't it? Why shove it into my already ready-to-deliver-at-a-nudge wardrobe? Well, there's a couple more tomorrow because something happens and I can't wear just what I thought I'd wear... so the clothes wait, until I need to sleep on the floor and not just out of choice! Sigh! Sometimes I'm so all-girl-stereotype, I could laugh. I mean why can't I wear what I thought I decided to wear? Beats me.

Anyway, that's about what happens to my life often. Thankfully because I am being taught to listen - I am able to see the clutter more clearly. Not because I'm particularly perceptive (sob!) but because... well, what Cliff Richard said. Lol, Jesus knows me best. And I'll admit, I panic sooner and much more when I hear the distance than when I see a messy bed... The trouble is learning to listen takes a lifetime. But God is good and He speaks.

In seeking and listening, as I said, a lot comes out in the raw... And I am so grateful for it. It shakes me out of inertia. And when I feel as if I am reaching out for God, and I know He is holding me so close and holding out to me what He wants for me just before my eyes... and yet, I grope because I am crying... Well, those times it pays to remember the altars on the journey. That's what this blog is about - to say how thankful I am for the times God has led me to write. Because when I want to speak, but can only sob (in a quite-unromantic-big-snivelly way!) or when I want to pray and words will not suffice - and I am waiting on the tongues - when I am overwhelmed - then God, like today, shows me the altars we have built along the way. To comfort and rest and refresh and maybe even give me a cuddle :O!! God holds you when you're breaking, you know... So nothing falls away. So He takes me along and says Okay, it's time to remember. Not relive, not glory in the past, nor bark at a memory just remember what happened that made me write that something, or made me feel that way or what I had heard or seen or learned or received. Yes, I am glad for the altars. Because they trace out a cross.

?

Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

What, then, do I do? As I seek the answer, I am learning and unlearning. But I need an answer! But as I seek answers, I come out with peace - no answers yet, but Jesus. Strange working indeed.

My favourite story as a child - it still is one of my favourites and means so much

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

My world this week ;)

At this point in time, I am really finding waiting on your will hard for me. It's as if you don't hear, and yet when you speak I know you have. And you do speak. Even now.

I'd love my blogging friends who share the faith to pray for me :)

I have had a fantastic week. There has been so much fun and being together with friends and family. And yet both my mum and I feel that just the one thing has gone quite wrong, which is bad because satan's trying to take away the best.

I have this habit of saying to myself and others - life has a way of working itself out. As if life were a self-willed knot, that tied and untied itself. It would take years and years of wearing away and aging for the threads to loosen themselves. Life needs God to work it out.

The three or four full days also mean that I haven't had much time to myself. By the time I get to bed, I am so washed out, I can only pray and read a bit and go to sleep. But I've so wanted to talk to God for a long time and cry. I don't know, LOL, maybe this is just a girl thing. But I am not UNhappy. I have been sad at moments, and I do want to cry but still it's not as if someone's taken my sunshine away!!

Thank you, Lord, that I can blog because this feels so much better again. Lol, yeah, the blog wasn't working for a couple of days either! But even a blog, impersonal and open as it is, is not sufficient. I need God, more of Him I mean. It's funny - beyond a point, impersonal just doesn't cut it for me. God does.

And it would be good to hug my mum again.

It has not all been fun, it has been hard work. And I found out that I was working with two homosexuals. I cannot get over how wrong it is. I pray they would know Jesus. But even a few years ago, you would be laughed at for accepting homosexuality. Now you are laughed at if you don't. As people, I would give the same care to them as to any other person. They are precious to God and he would save us all. But it is sin in the eyes of God. There are several arguments against it. But I am not going into them. Someone who was a friend once said - it's making a mountain out of a molehill. The Bible says it is sin. Then it is sin. And if that makes me a 'bigot', so be it - I agree.

On a different note, I graduate in less than a week. I am rather excited! God has been good - well, what else would he be anyway eh? Lol. It is also perfectly fantastic to be back here and meet everyone and be back in the church here. It's a heart-tripping-quiet-smiling feeling. Well, sometimes it's more like a grin.

Maybe God's plans for me are entirely entirely different to what I think. Nothing he has promised will go unfulfilled. But I have a lot of questions, and no answers, only Jesus. And you know what? That makes me blessed. :D