Grumble

E is sorta beginning to annoy me again. Like when he tries to make out that nothing ever happened... that there was no way he was interested in me! I hate it when people get like that - you come in and disrupt someone's life and (in this case) scare them with your overly flirtatious ways; then you suddenly realise you're not being godly; then you suddenly get over it and then you pretend you never ever said anything compromising, and that it doesn't make sense in your world how ever they (and some other people) got that idea??!!!?! I don't mind him ignoring it and pretending it never happened to him - it will make his life easier and he will feel better about all of it. But to act polite in a certain kinda way before people?? Why? Because I didn't flirt back? Or because I prayed about it? And that scared you? Not that you ever heard or saw me pray. Yet on an online conversation you will make an oblique reference to a previous conversation... Okay before you interrupt, these things are not in response to anything... not a defence mechanism at all. E just uses them because he feels it keeps him safer and because he is not aware enough of himself to see why he's doing it. E is the kind of guy who won't love a girl enough to lay it out with respect. Plays it safe, but not quite safe for other people! He had a 'someone' far away even when he was flirting with me and then with A as well! I had no idea obviously... just glad I take a very wary approach to these things and wait on God. E hasn't affected me any more than a grrr-sorta feeling. A now provoked a different reaction.

But yes, maybe it's hard to remember you don't have to try to make other people feel small to be big yourself... That's only in Hollywood special effects. We are big enough without that. E and A are - God made them and loves them. But I just sometimes wish he'd grow up. Ah well, I have that sorta feeling about lots of people including myself.