Famous Last Words

Why am I writing at ten past one am? Because I am mad. Insanity I suppose has run in the family - I'm sure I've heard covert, oblique references to a single aunt somewhere who was slightly off it. Pity she didn't know me - and pity she probably wasn't rich... I'm mad but not stupid ;) Maybe even two mad aunts. And they weren't even in the attic - Gilbert and Dubar, eat your heart out. He he he *eeeviiil laugh* No, not evil-evil... jus' Cruella without the surname. Heh... Told you - goin' round the twist.

Besides I want to appeal to you, my peeps. WHY is pudding pudding? I mean - why isn't it p-uh-dding?? This is my Facebook (guilty as charged!) status and it is now here. I mean, cuddle is cuddle, budding budding, muddle muddle and thudding thudding... But pudding?! No, it must go and be contrary.

By the way, anyone take a guess on the meaning of 'defenestrate'...?? You 'defenestrate' someone? Don't cheat with Wikipedia though. Or cheat but spell out the process for me. But you - I know what you're thinking! Let me put it in context for you - you defenestrate someone... Woah, hold it right there - wash that thought with soap water - you should be ashamed of yourself... gasp He he.

Bah, I shall probably be mortally embarrassed by my entire ignorance of style and cohesion and by my madness and confessional-but-pointless prose here. But I speak with the heavy eyes of one who faces sure but temporary nocturnal extinction. In English then, I'm going to be out like a light. *Giggle*

Pease (parsnips and potato)

pilgrim

Funny English contd...

Or - or 'hair-brained' *she gasps* - I mean that would be a major foolicle ;). Where on earth do they get these ideas?? I s'pose it's because more native speakers speak and don't read - and so they assume 'hair', 'hare' not being in their immediate (dare I say limited?) vocabulary at all! But aaahh!!

Or 'bear-faced design'?? I mean - so there's a horse-faced design and a bull-faced design in the offing??

'The site of it' - ahem, has anyone ever heard of homophones and the fact that there is a flippin' difference??

'Viscous' - instead of 'vicious'.

And I have a friend who emails all these long words - so often misspelled!! Gah! (I owe my recent proliferation of 'gahs' to BO, who has sneakily rubbed that habit off on me! Gah!)

Don't expect this to end - I shall probably off-load here all too often on the subject of the much maligned language. AND (see, I told you ;P it's happening already) - why on earth are we all becoming American in our English?? We are Indian - we have a history and the British were a part of that. That was more than half a century ago. Now we ourselves have appropriated our English... then why why why copy mindlessly?? Gah! The defeat of my argument lies right in it anyway - so I'll stop now :( But it does have its points, you know. I mean, "multie-talented"??? In my dictionary, that is just not in :-)P

Funny English

Link


I talk too much - faaaaaarrrr too much. Tis a far, far better thing to shut up than I have ever done before... but unlike Carton I don't think I'm going to follow through. You might also guess that I am in another of those silly moods, somewhat like my ramble about a month ago ... maybe I'm just well-timed. Or you might notice because of the wealth of wisdom I display (now if I could just say 'my minions' it would complete the desired effect for that sentence - but I can't cos you're not and you'll be mad and I love you anyway :( )... *Giggle* Ah well...

I want to rant about another of my favourite subjects - the general widespread culture of abuse of that innocent (well, not really) victim - the English Language!!

I mean what can you do with someone who misspells 'maelstrom' so grotesquely (yep, it has been my IM status for the past coupla days!) as to call it 'male-storm'?? And no pun intended... Well, LOL, serves me right for reading a tepid, trashy, mushy first-thing-I-found-online-because-library-was-inaccessible book! And the idiot's mind was on a man - so malestorm might have been right. But then they just misspelled it right through with a grace and aplomb you would have to see to believe :O And then things like 'I had to give him a peace of mind for my piece of mind' - first, I didn't know minds were dissectable, and second it sounds slightly cannibalistic! *Siighhh*

I know, I know what you're going to say - the drama-queenness is overdone, pilgrim. LOL. Fffine :P But these errors really make me laugh and wind me up at the same time. Siiiiggghhh, it's probably why I love teaching English (more so when I'm not doing it;O).

Here's another one which only made me laugh. It was a friend and she's quite nice and hey, she's not undertaking to write a full-length novel and misspell in its first language, is she? Okay here goes - My dad had a provisional store. No, the store wasn't optional just in case other stores didn't work out. LOL.

I've already given you one by the famous college principal in my Those Random Things post. But here's another one - "I have two daughters, both girls".
I, most emphatically, did not make that up. *Giggle*

Another thing - why do so many people (these are mostly native speakers!) use 'I should of' instead of 'I should have'?? Bothers me no end ;) So yeah, the unstressed form of both words is [əv]... so? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever - LOL LOL the funniest bit is when they actually stress the unstressed words in speech and it comes out 'I should OF'...

Okay rant over. RIP :P

English mine ;)

No, no - I am not about to defend the compatibility of my race and language or any other such tedious idea! I am also rather unsure about why I have this infinite capacity to procrastinate in the most creative, almost productive ways when logic must point to differently hierarchical priorities...

What I am about to do is to record for posterity (who must count themselves privileged ;)) my original coinages in the English language. Well, at least the recent ones I remember, lol. My observations too. Ha! And since this is an ongoing process, I am quite tempted to sneakily edit this one post now and then instead of making new ones with labels....................

BUT you must promise to keep reading it... hmpf tiresome!

Pooportunity - this absolutely precious word was born out of a typo, LOL. I went 'pooportunity' instead of 'opportunity' and suddenly there was a word. A messed-up opportunity, an opportunity gone bad - or even an opportunity for disaster. I love it!

Fantasticity - self-explanatory and it sounds perfect :D We do need a noun for the adjective after all - and fantasy is not quite enough. No, no, no. Fantastic is the adjective for the noun. But fantasticity is the noun for the adjective ;) I just love playing with language, ha!

Yet - uh uh, you're not seeing things... yet. That word indisputably exists in the dictionary :) However, isn't it just such a beautiful word in the English language? In modern usage, in its reference to time, it only goes with interrogatives and questions usually . Yet (;) there's that word again!) it changes the negative into a positive with one fell sweep. Ok, maybe I'm a bit too dramatic here but listen to this...
P: Is your brother Christian? Is he saved or...?
V: No, he's not saved...
P&V: Yet

You see what I mean about the word - in the negative-positive context there is so much hope in the one word :)

Cyfarthfa High - I LOVED it :O

Apart from the fact that I really must get something to do with my life and if I choose not to go to evening service next time, I must vow not to switch the comp on... (no offense to you guys)... here are some interesting snippets from this Friday, teaching at a local high school. It was great and I was so chuffed to be teaching in a proper school as opposed to additional and special needs classes in college!! And it was a posh-ish one at that ;O Anyone clued in who's reading this - no, not quite as posh as the London one but still!! (Tip: it's easier reading my long-windedness if you leave out the Me:'s and the Boy:'s and the Miss:'s...):P

#1 was when I was just supervising course work. These were the two kids in front of me and the most chatty. Rest assured, this was not the content of the lesson, neither did I make it so! But this one goes to show how not a teacher I was!!! Although some of 'em loved it and wanted to know when I was coming again!

Sis: Miss you could never tell we're brother and sister, could you, Miss?
Me: You're brother and sister? No, it wouldn't've struck me...
Sis: Cos he's got a lovely tan which he doesn't want and I want :(
Me: He's got a tan, sweet...? I thought I'd got the best tan of all ;)
Bro: Yeah but you wear make-up... why on earth would you do that? Look, you've got a yellow spot here, and a bluish streak there!
Me: Hey! She's a girl - you never mess with her like that, okay? ;) And no, you don't chuck your book at a girl either - not very nice was it? (This is not his sister btw and no smiling teacher here)
Bro: No, Miss, it wasn't very nice (sheepish smile)
Sis: miss, do I really have a spot here and a streak there?
Me: No, of course not... And yes, you can go to the toilet whenever you're sick and (lol) no you don't look sick :)
Sis: Where do you live, Miss?... Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: (Erm slightly speechless and laughing) n-no?
Sis: Are you married?
Bro: Oi, nosey! What's with you?
Me: (gratefully) No, I'm not married but I live with a family in x
Sis: Oh, cos I was thinking if you're new here it might be difficult. You never wear make-up, do you, Miss?
Bro: See, I told you...
Me: No... (seeing a look tht needed some comforting)... even if I wanted to the time I got the message to come into school this morning, there would've been no way!
Sis: But you never wear it, do you? you're lucky...
Me: Why...
Bro: Cos you don't need to - it's natural.
(Miss at this point blushes nice and thorough!)
Me: No, why would you need to wear it... And how do you get the time...

and the conversation contd... This was a darling class compared to the afternoon; there were a few mischievous nuts but they laughed with me and when I took their trip they took it and were slightly malleable!

The second and third had poetry appreciation and they were English (Higher) so I had a ball! With Period 2, I didn't know they expected a discussion until later. With Period 3, I knew and I prayed again and managed to get 'em involved!! Their teacher came back at lunch bell and said 'You just got a compliment from one of my girls there. She said "Miss, we've got a super-good teacher, Miss. She explained everything very well and then made us write, she didn't just cover, Miss"'. I told her 'Aw, Miss D that's made my day now!' Yes, yes I am tooting my horn but this was the highlight of my day!!! And even if I never get cover work again, I'll be glad for that one!!

Afternoon was a disaster! Science classes and year 9s!!! Gosh - I was in for a time!
#2
Me: N would you please do your work now?
N: No
Me: NOW
N: I've got a sinus (which I may mention was completely dormant when he was jumping on the tables and hollering the girls outside the window!)
Me: Well, if it's just come on, I'm sure it will be gone as suddenly. Do IT NOW
Class - I am this close to giving everybody a detention... It's Friday afternoon and you don't want to stay back in school.
N P!
N: You can't give me detention
Me: You heard Mr B and I can well give you detention as your parents have been warned.
N: I must pick up my sister
Me: Well, your mum knows to expect you may be late
N: No, I tore up all the notes the school sent!
Me: Grrrrrr

#3 is my favourite! It's so un-me like I told MS. But he says it was thinking on my feet and it worked to some degree! They laughed and stared and then just shut up for a bit. All of these are from the second period in the afternoon, LOL.

Me: Now why are you all moving? You're supposed to stay where you've been put.
Boy: Well, Miss, he... he erm (passed wind is the polite equivalent :O)
The accused: He hee (sheepish smile) But Miss I can't stay there all alone.
Me: (smiling and trying not to laugh which the students well know!) Well, could you please stay there? And you move back there now.
Boy: Aw no, Miss. I can't! It's horrid. Please.
Me: (after chatting with a few others) No, come on, you can go back there. It's okay now. Move please!!
Boys: No (and all sorts of jokes and laughter and teasing and wrestling!! Not all nice either!)
Me: Well, I'm sorry THAT IS THE PROPERTY OF GASES. THEY MOVE! Now go back!
(I can't believe I said that. Oh Lord, I can't believe myself! LOL. yes, it's funny but I wouldn't have credited myself with thinking that much less saying it! LOL... well at least they'll have warmed to me a bit...)

Lol, they did a bit. But the end of the day saw the deputy head teacher walking in... The detention names were duly given I tried to save a couple but she wanted the warned ones as well :( Two mobile phones were confiscated. The two boys who had them out were warned by me. And then they did it again - so I said "That is really it. Detention!" They then said "Miss, No! Rugby...we have a rugby match..." Of course I said (like my teachers of old) "Well, you should have thought of the rugby when you were not doing your science work. You know the rules. And I have given this class several warnings". Bless their hearts, when they knew I was serious, they just turned red and lay down their not-so-little heads on the table and tried to go to sleep in self-pity. Even though, I felt awwwwwwful giving out punishment, I sorta loved that moment because suddenly they were children again.... awwwwww.

The trouble is with teaching adults and at a college, you're so used to saying to your students 'Do you want to...' and 'Would you mind...' and 'Please...' AND expecting an immediate aquiescence... My bad, LOL. In the afternoon classes at least. The English classes had a few rugby/football guys in it. But they got involved too and a couple even gave in ideas! So the morning was super-fantastic :D The afternoon was good too - well, some of the kids were fun. But it was just scary altercation because, of course, the kids here aren't quite like the kids there!

English classes

No, actually, students, you won't get through IELTS if the moral of The Gifts of the Magi is 'Never spend too much on gifts' as opposed to 'The best present of all is love'.
Yes, 'tomorrow' really does have only one 'm'. What's that, N? Well yes, I actually do know the language and I can't wait till the end of the day to say that wreathed in polite grins.
No, you were right the first time and when I say 'Brilliant, fantastic' it means you're right and you don't have to get it wrong the next ten times.
No, actually Jim is not sad because Della is a modern woman and cut her hair short.
No, Della does not hate Jim's gift because it reminds her of her hair.
No, Jim is not unhappy because he does not have a job - the book says he does.
Yes, the past tense is past, the present is present and you DID just say that to me when I wasn't asking. WHY will you not answer right when I am???? Waaaahhh, no it will not make it better if you offer to take teacher out to Burger King over lunch. And even if you flirt, I will still be friendly but get very corrective on grammar. For instance if you say 'Do you can go out when night week every?', I solemnly promise not to answer Wednesdays and Thursdays. I WILL say that two auxiliary verbs do not go together in simpler words and disregard your question!

Lol, yes they flirt sometimes but they are lovely and some of them very nice.

My life is beautiful... (this is long, I warn you! ;))

Tbh, I am a bit surprised that that is the emotion I have at this moment in time. Today I had my second brush with racism in this country. I say 'in this country' because some people back home have been racist too - both nationals and visitors. It is interesting that I was only just saying to my mum yesterday that God has not only brought in my path non-racist people but people with love like I have rarely found elsewhere.

Every time someone rants about the racism they experience, I have this immediate reaction, albeit hidden. I discount it, partly not wholly, as a crutch. I do not say it does not exist. But it is just not a reason to complain anymore. Disgust - yes. Disregard - absolutely. Fighting against it - necessary when it occurs. But victimisation - no. If they have a chip on their shoulder because you are a different nationality from the ones they prefer, it really is their problem. At least within the conditions of living in this place, as far as I have experienced. Therefore, I suppose, my reaction is not entirely fair. But it is honest. You will never be unemployed because of it. You will never be totally isolated because of it. Perhaps unemployment because of language barriers can happen - possibly just as unfair, but much more justifiable. In fact, most Caucasians in my experience are much more sensible about it than Orientals...

Now the details - my employer told me to be nice to a particular student. At my questioning look, she said because she didn't like you. Concerned about my teaching practices, I asked why... especially as this particular student keeps complimenting me on my teaching! [- most of which I modestly disregard in the course of the lesson ;)]. She then corrected herself and said it was not me as a person she didn't like, or even my teaching as I was to discover, but the fact that I was non-native... Now there is a clear difference between a native speaker and a non-British or non-American or non-any-Inner-Circle-nationality (as Kachru would say) person!! Clear. Let me say that again - CLEAR. :D.

I was more shocked I think at the fact that the boss-woman wanted me to be nice to her. When I am shocked, I don't react. I mean I just have a middle-ish smile on my face and just nod or say mmhmmm!!! It has always been this way. Not something I like living with - sometimes it's convenient, sometimes it's flippin' crippling! Perhaps the student was concerned that my English was not native-speaker level. She cannot be expected to know that it is my first language. But the more I think about it, the more hurt I am by my employer's reaction. Perhaps also the student was saying it to haggle with my employer - who unlike most colleges often cuts around the fee to suit the student! On the other hand, perhaps she was racist even though I've now lost most of my tan!! LOL. Also perhaps my boss was saying it to give herself a foothold in any negotiations she might be planning in the future. By now, you must have a pretty good sketch of her sketchiness! She is sometimes amusing though. She is not Caucasian herself. And I still like the student. She applies herself to her work. I am not sure I will forget this in my dealings with her... but strangely enough, I just find it interesting. Incredibly dense. Slightly hurtful. But not enraging. Hmmm, maybe I have the perfect 'victimised' psyche!!! Lord, if I should be enraged, make it so. However, as the student has never exhibited any such prejudices or let it hinder her study, I am only disappointed and mad at my employer. She will probably bring it up again, and I will be more equipped. And there will be less people in the room :D

Now as to why my life is beautiful... Because in spite of this, it has been a beautiful day. The sun was out gloriously. The little girl behind me in the bus was singing. For once, I wasn't the only nut case singing, lol. She sang 'Dance then, wherever you may be/I am the Lord of the dance, said He'. And it so perfectly encapsulates my feelings today. Hardly creditable, is it?! I know! And I was able to help a student with her accommodation - she was so upset she stormed out of the building! In fact, it was the same student... and now thinking about it, I am entirely surprised myself (honestly, I AM NOT GOODY TWO SHOES, LOL) - but I was neither helping her for my boss's unpalatable reasons, nor for the sweet kind of vengeance. This has only just struck me as I recall the incident. This is why I should write - I only just realise that I spoke to her after I'd heard from the employer, and I only just realise that although I remembered it, I was not terribly hurt. God is slightly unbelievable. I am now a bit angry - more than when I started this blog, but just healthy enough. And this morning the Lord showed me these verses twice over... just in case, I missed the point that it was not just a random daily reading ;)

Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem! The LORD has taken away your punishment, He has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. On that day they will say to Jerusalem, 'Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.' Zephaniah 3:14-17

Aren't they beautiful?? Well, the One who said 'em is, so they've got to be, haven't they?? ;O The third and fourth sentence of that were especially quickened for me - and it looks like He was preparin me for the day ahead?! The following quote is something that was repeated today - and my mum has often given me this promise! So I guess that's why my day was beautiful... and my life is.

Now Carte d'Or Creme Brulee calleth ;)

and ha! HA!

Now jus cos I'm blogthinging and you love me so much (:P lol) that you do it... does NOT mean you go on there and 'calculate' the love of your life, or the rest of your year, or your magical pick-up line or what star-sign you are!!!! Stay sensible :D
Love ya
pilgrim

PS As an English teacher and a bit of a grammar buff, I should say this test is more prescriptive than descriptive... Language evolves. Ta :)

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 100% Punctuation: 100% Spelling: 100% Vocabulary: 100%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?