My life is beautiful... (this is long, I warn you! ;))

Tbh, I am a bit surprised that that is the emotion I have at this moment in time. Today I had my second brush with racism in this country. I say 'in this country' because some people back home have been racist too - both nationals and visitors. It is interesting that I was only just saying to my mum yesterday that God has not only brought in my path non-racist people but people with love like I have rarely found elsewhere.

Every time someone rants about the racism they experience, I have this immediate reaction, albeit hidden. I discount it, partly not wholly, as a crutch. I do not say it does not exist. But it is just not a reason to complain anymore. Disgust - yes. Disregard - absolutely. Fighting against it - necessary when it occurs. But victimisation - no. If they have a chip on their shoulder because you are a different nationality from the ones they prefer, it really is their problem. At least within the conditions of living in this place, as far as I have experienced. Therefore, I suppose, my reaction is not entirely fair. But it is honest. You will never be unemployed because of it. You will never be totally isolated because of it. Perhaps unemployment because of language barriers can happen - possibly just as unfair, but much more justifiable. In fact, most Caucasians in my experience are much more sensible about it than Orientals...

Now the details - my employer told me to be nice to a particular student. At my questioning look, she said because she didn't like you. Concerned about my teaching practices, I asked why... especially as this particular student keeps complimenting me on my teaching! [- most of which I modestly disregard in the course of the lesson ;)]. She then corrected herself and said it was not me as a person she didn't like, or even my teaching as I was to discover, but the fact that I was non-native... Now there is a clear difference between a native speaker and a non-British or non-American or non-any-Inner-Circle-nationality (as Kachru would say) person!! Clear. Let me say that again - CLEAR. :D.

I was more shocked I think at the fact that the boss-woman wanted me to be nice to her. When I am shocked, I don't react. I mean I just have a middle-ish smile on my face and just nod or say mmhmmm!!! It has always been this way. Not something I like living with - sometimes it's convenient, sometimes it's flippin' crippling! Perhaps the student was concerned that my English was not native-speaker level. She cannot be expected to know that it is my first language. But the more I think about it, the more hurt I am by my employer's reaction. Perhaps also the student was saying it to haggle with my employer - who unlike most colleges often cuts around the fee to suit the student! On the other hand, perhaps she was racist even though I've now lost most of my tan!! LOL. Also perhaps my boss was saying it to give herself a foothold in any negotiations she might be planning in the future. By now, you must have a pretty good sketch of her sketchiness! She is sometimes amusing though. She is not Caucasian herself. And I still like the student. She applies herself to her work. I am not sure I will forget this in my dealings with her... but strangely enough, I just find it interesting. Incredibly dense. Slightly hurtful. But not enraging. Hmmm, maybe I have the perfect 'victimised' psyche!!! Lord, if I should be enraged, make it so. However, as the student has never exhibited any such prejudices or let it hinder her study, I am only disappointed and mad at my employer. She will probably bring it up again, and I will be more equipped. And there will be less people in the room :D

Now as to why my life is beautiful... Because in spite of this, it has been a beautiful day. The sun was out gloriously. The little girl behind me in the bus was singing. For once, I wasn't the only nut case singing, lol. She sang 'Dance then, wherever you may be/I am the Lord of the dance, said He'. And it so perfectly encapsulates my feelings today. Hardly creditable, is it?! I know! And I was able to help a student with her accommodation - she was so upset she stormed out of the building! In fact, it was the same student... and now thinking about it, I am entirely surprised myself (honestly, I AM NOT GOODY TWO SHOES, LOL) - but I was neither helping her for my boss's unpalatable reasons, nor for the sweet kind of vengeance. This has only just struck me as I recall the incident. This is why I should write - I only just realise that I spoke to her after I'd heard from the employer, and I only just realise that although I remembered it, I was not terribly hurt. God is slightly unbelievable. I am now a bit angry - more than when I started this blog, but just healthy enough. And this morning the Lord showed me these verses twice over... just in case, I missed the point that it was not just a random daily reading ;)

Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem! The LORD has taken away your punishment, He has turned back your enemy. The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. On that day they will say to Jerusalem, 'Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.' Zephaniah 3:14-17

Aren't they beautiful?? Well, the One who said 'em is, so they've got to be, haven't they?? ;O The third and fourth sentence of that were especially quickened for me - and it looks like He was preparin me for the day ahead?! The following quote is something that was repeated today - and my mum has often given me this promise! So I guess that's why my day was beautiful... and my life is.

Now Carte d'Or Creme Brulee calleth ;)