confessions and ramblings

Ecce now

2010-05-09T20:45:00.002Z

Father, it took me so long to learn to call me beautiful. Not because I am not messed up and scarred and sinful when it comes to the looking - without the blood. Without you.But then, with you... the wonder of it is, with you, I am beautiful. These children are beautiful. These ugly, painful stumps of people are beautiful. These arguments and dissensions - they dissolve into your holiness. I wish

After the lull

2010-04-19T12:01:00.003Z

In blogging, I mean. In life, there has been no lull. Just very exciting weather and very unpredictable too. I am struggling with what God has next for me, but while I struggle, I also bask in the luxury of knowing it's his job. Not mine! So much has changed. Externally and internally.I have changed careers, given up a job, moved countries, changed my prayer priorities (!), learnt ten times more

I don't know

2010-01-14T18:01:00.002Z

What is it about missions and worship that makes me cry? And hurt so much?

Hugs

2009-11-25T17:34:00.002Z

I could do with a big, huge, I-am-never-going-to-let-go-even-if-you-fear-awkwardness kind of hug. There are hugs and there are hugs. Awkward side hugs, hugs with only one person kissing, the full, frontal-grab hug, the macho back-pat hug, the back-rub, the hey-look-our-noses-fit-into-our-shoulders hug... hugs at different angles... When you know someone is coming over to hug you, you switch into

Father, forgive... again

2009-10-08T16:40:00.002Z

Father, forgive us for those times when we don't know that you are at work. For those times when it is easier to be superficial than to be real. Forgive us when it's easier to be less passionate - easier to push it under the covers. Easier not to wear our hearts on our sleeves. After spending all our time thinking about you... or worse still, not thinking about you for one moment of one day...

2009-09-21T16:38:00.001Z

There was a guy and I thought it miiight lead to something. But it's over - which is what I prayed for. That if this wasn't good and right and perfect, then he needed to stop writing to me. It happened. Now if I can just stop analysing...Actually, I'm doing quite well not-analysing. And I am so grateful to God for keeping me for His purposes.

Memo to me

2009-08-22T17:13:00.002Z

Well, it's time to confess my acts of infidelity. I have another blog. Not that that means that I have been regularly blogging there... What's happened since then? A broken hand, a trip home, a long-drawn bureaucratic procedure-thingummajig at Uni, and a move. Another impending move soon - in a week, no less. But those are mundane details.I bought a new camera :) I have no answers. I have more

2009-03-03T17:58:00.002Z

I feel awful. And as if there is no way out. All the dreams I borrowed over two years have gone... maybe. I've got to think maybe because otherwise it's just too hard. Where is this heading? And will God redeem? I've broken faith with the people that love me, and it feels like I have failed.What now.

Confession

2009-03-01T16:36:00.005Z

I've made more than a few mistakes. It seems it just took a year to completely change who I am... But God redeems. I love that passage of Scripture in Job 19, 25 onwards.I don't know if the road to redemption is success as I see it. It may be. (If it is, then I have three months to rewrite a year). It may not. But I just know that I need to obey God. In some of my most private disobediences no

Living together

2009-02-26T17:33:00.002Z

You know those times when you're just sorta living together with the person you love? I'm not getting biblical and talking about a relationship outside marriage or anything like it. I'm talking relationship and emotion.You love God and you have made this decision to live with him for the rest of your life. And you've done it for most of your life, maybe. But suddenly you find yourself going

News

2009-02-14T18:51:00.000Z

I've finally done it. I have another blog.

Musings

2009-01-31T17:38:00.004Z

Okay, let's face it - I m-i-s-s blogging even after only two weeks. There was this Facebook thing (yes, I allow myself to use 'thing' for any word I cannot decide on!) doing the rounds with my friends this week. Yesterday I finally succumbed and am now writing 25 random facts/goals/whatever-else-it-specifies about myself. Can you believe I was nearly 18 when I first used the internet? For a

A Dios!

2009-01-18T17:56:00.002Z

Honestly and with perfect truth I can say nothing I desire compares with you, God! When I am quiet and at peace within myself, I know everything else I want doesn't have the power to draw my heart out like you do. I love you.

<3

2009-01-03T19:42:00.003Z

Does your Fb relationship have to say 'In a relationship with ...' before you can put down <3 <3 <3 as your status?!!! :D :D For that matter, mine does say 'In a relationship' for semantic, technical reasons... I'm in the biggest love affair of them all with the best friend ever - Jesus. And I know you understand me :)I just feel so much in love today. Loving someone and being in love - I think -

Laughter

2008-12-31T02:32:00.000Z

I've got a random fit of the giggles... I'm thinking of stuff we said and did at meeting, or conversations I had with friends, or just laughable circumstances! And for the life of me, I cannot stop grinning.I love it when I am happy in God and however much the storm may be brewing around me, the fact that we're in love keeps me smiling - to the point, that I annoy myself for acting rather

Family - and er etc

2008-12-31T02:10:00.002Z

I've been reading some of my rants on romance or the lack thereof... and giggling some more! It seems like most of my blogs on the subject have been when I need to complain about it. Rather sad, that. I have met guys who are interesting to talk to, love God and actually care about what you think. I have friends who are fun to be with and easy to make conversation with and who are passionate about

Traditions

2008-12-21T02:37:00.007Z

My rough patches with God seem to be coming in droves because mainly I ignore them and assume they're done and dusted. Or they ARE done and dusted but I am eternally inventive problem-wise... I feel bad not talking about it and talking about lighter stuff... a bit like True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet... I'm obviously making my usual messes but happily going to the fair. But I can and

Luuurrrve

2008-11-26T18:15:00.002Z

God is simply sooooo ace! I break his stuff and his heart and get to climb back on his lap by the end of the day. I'm challenged by the forgiveness I need to show in return.In reference to my last post - I am back. ~Unfortunately I have this habit of measuring my distance to God - stupid, because He is infinitely holy.Been listening to 'Mi primer amor' by MArcos Witt. And it's made me think - I'm

Picking up the pieces

2008-11-21T18:14:00.002Z

Broke God's heart today. Not for the first time. Did something I've done once before in my life - just one afternoon of reading romantic fiction... And my bloodthirst for a story led me on to the end but unfortunately one of the links wasn't particularly romantic. So I read completely God-dishonouring stories today. I need to check into the local library to save my fiction-hunger. I knew it was

2008-11-13T17:24:00.003Z

Today, I had the best meeting ever with my supervisors... With both of them in the room, EP is very quiet and DC is ... well, abrasive, sometimes. For the first time, DC said 'you can' without any qualifiers and without the noticeable lack of a smile... And it came after I decided it didn't matter. Doing well is a good thing - right? God wants it for you? But what if it grows to block the way? I

No

2008-10-31T16:19:00.001Z

I feel like I don't want to sit down and pray - if I did, I'd have to face what's happening.

Love - and some venting

2008-10-22T16:27:00.003Z

It's very weird. I don't get it but have come to accept it... Every time you mention the word 'love', you get a busload of listeners. You get listeners who want the details - who miss the details when you leave them out, for goodness' sake. You get talkers who won't stop telling their story. I love it.But it also goes against the grain - a bit, that is. Aha they're not that interested in love if

Moments Like These

2008-10-15T16:45:00.002Z

There isn't long we've got to hang around where we are... something tells me it's even shorter than I suspected. And all this spending with what isn't yours and hasn't been given to you, or storing up for what may not be worth all that much in the end seems completely crazy to me. Btw - anyone seen Credit Crunch the movie yet?So from that starting point I've decided to redefine everything I'm

Metablogging

2008-10-15T09:06:00.004Z

Humph. There is sooooo much trash on this blog - have been going through it. Also there is so much intense-soul-searching that no one's ever gonna care to read all of it... It's probably time to make a few rules. Maybe open a different blog that is more user-friendly. I am glad EH loved reading it. It is rather interesting in parts... but.I mean here I am - procrastinating. And I need something

W-H-Y

2008-10-03T13:49:00.003Z

I don't know, Lord, I don't know.Why quicken something in my heart? I have obeyed except for once. I have obeyed even when it's hard and confusing. Except of course those times I forget I need to know what you want!.... Except, except, except. But why when I have obeyed, it still has not come through? Why! What did they do that I haven't done?Like - why was the nun raped in Orissa this week? Why

Every Day

2008-10-02T12:03:00.002Z

"The music played in a slow relentless background to her self-vindication... What she had done, she didn't know. In bits and pieces, yes, but never fully. And she always remembered the pieces. Because if she let herself forget, meaning would be lost. Meaning must survive even if it is painfully false.But today, there was a strange difference. The memory of a song when she could sing without the

Hands to the plough...

2008-10-01T12:07:00.003Z

Yes, bear with me while I spew some more. Not quite sure what's bringing it all on - well, several things, I'd say.So I'm here and I'm rather weepy about leaving. Not just because I won't see everyone for a long time, but because I simply don't know. I don't know what's round the corner. Not just for me this time, but even for the old folks. I know that I know (preacher-style ;D) the ones I'm

Sunrise

2008-10-01T11:42:00.003Z

I fell in love with Switchfoot's Only Hope a couple of months ago... When it seems like my dreams are so far, sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again...Zeph 3:17 - GOD does sing over us. Duh. He loves us.Jer 29:11 - He also has a definite idea of the song. So if He did take Switchfoot's suggestion (or mine), then listen well! He knows the plans HE has for us.Ever missed the

He happens

2008-09-30T12:18:00.003Z

Okay, okay... maybe this isn't my story to tell. But I just want to say that God's amazing about knowing your needs. I have this lovely friend who was telling me about what God said to her the other day.It was at a prayer meeting - the kind you've probably all been to or can well imagine. And here she was, feeling entirely out of it and asking God what had gone wrong. BM loves him so she wasn't

Jer 29:11

2008-09-30T11:47:00.003Z

It's so easy to forget that God is sufficient that I amuse myself.Things I love... Moments I love, rather... When I've spoken sharply to check a child or one of our dogs (not that the two are equal or any other such implication: i.e. if I offend you, then you've misunderstood me... That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) - anyway point in question - when I yell or even mildly flick Tass or

Glad glad glad

2008-09-28T19:27:00.003Z

So here's a late-night two minute spew spree that had to get out:I am in INdiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Can you tell? Extended my stay by a week. I haven't stopped eating since I stepped on that flight. It was deep fried prawn today, will be chenna idli tomorrow - anybody ever try this absolutely delightful southern Indian deluxe version of idli?! I used to call 'em

2008-09-04T11:10:00.002Z

Again and again I fall on something I have always remembered and now forget. And again and again you pick me up. I know it's human to assume patience will run out but I want never to doubt. And I want never to stop asking you because if I do anything, it is for you.

2008-08-30T17:36:00.002Z

Father, I really cannot imagine a world without you. I can't begin to visualise or even try and feel the way I'd feel without you. Knowing you are here and love me and want a relationship with me and have one - I couldn't walk away from you and feel myself. You make me who I am. I am incomplete without you. I am in your image and I pray that I will never forget who I am and who You are.

Grumble

2008-08-30T17:11:00.003Z

E is sorta beginning to annoy me again. Like when he tries to make out that nothing ever happened... that there was no way he was interested in me! I hate it when people get like that - you come in and disrupt someone's life and (in this case) scare them with your overly flirtatious ways; then you suddenly realise you're not being godly; then you suddenly get over it and then you pretend you

5 Things...

2008-08-23T22:47:00.002Z

1. Will it ever happen?2. Often I'm too polite to say what I really want or think.3. It's funny how there are so many ways to waste time when you haven't got much of it!4. God's got it covered.5. Spectrograms are fascinating.

Love

2008-08-23T16:36:00.003Z

To be in Your presence, not rushing away, to cherish each moment, here I would stay...Try as I might, I can't find who wrote that song but it holds me captive just now. It is all I want. Whatever might come, this one thing is certainty. He will hold you in the palm of His hands, so close to him that you are never out of his sight. He is in love with you. So t-o-t-a-l-l-y a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y in

Helllooooooooo

2008-08-12T16:27:00.005Z

No, grace is not a pretty picture. It involves the biggest messes humankind can imagine and then implement. But grace is beautiful. Like when you look in the mirror and you see that spot or blemish, the disproportionate features or the kinky hair or the need for a haircut or the need for some make-up or a need for something to take the tiredness away.... and still God looks into your naked eyes,

Just Me

2008-06-16T16:51:00.002Z

I have not been myself for a long time. I have been myself now and then within the period in short fits and bursts. This may have had something to do with dealing with entirely new situations in which I was exposed to a different sort of relationship with people from anything I've been used to. I am saying it in the best way possible - but not in every context does one learn the same things from

Grace

2008-06-07T16:50:00.001Z

I feel like I have messed up. So that is probably true. I wonder though where I ever got the idea that grace looked pretty.

For AB

2008-06-06T16:50:00.005Z

Here I am humbled by the love that you giveForgiven so that I can forgiveHere I stand, knowing that I'm your desireSanctified by glory and fireI rarely ever quote lyrics from somewhere else... perhaps it's pride. I think 'I write my own love songs to God' and I quote from the Bible. But now and again, a song written by people desperately in love with Jesus.A long time ago, it seems now, I wrote a

Churchin' It Up

2008-05-22T16:39:00.002Z

BY THE WAY, if it's not one thing, it's another! Rofl actually! I remember being worried about OU in the beginning and you know what? I fit right in! Not everywhere of course... but I am just that kinky and crazy and quick-tongued and geeky and mad and - okay, I'll say it - tolerant! There are a lot of things I'll accept... however I tend to keep the Bible as my measuring line. That's something

In a Mirror Darkly

2008-05-22T16:19:00.003Z

I'm rambling... so pay attention! When I make mistakes, perhaps I assuage my conscience with the idea that I have learnt so much, and that perhaps God allowed it. But I want never to forget that God's perfect will was not for me to fall. I don't want to think that because I have fallen, I know better than the one that has not. Or that being wrong and then righted is the best way to be...I think

S'more Growin' Up

2008-05-20T17:23:00.004Z

God loves me. So. Much. And every time I naively forget, He lets me know in no uncertain terms. Sometimes I forget to let myself be hungry enough for him that it can turn my world upside down and cause me to cry with an inside-pain that fills me with joy.Having got that outta my system, I am only back after a couple of weeks but it could be a decade judging from at least the amount I think I've

Poetry, headlines, stuff!

2008-04-22T17:01:00.002Z

You make me love you, over and over again. And I don't want to stop - but I don't think I can and ever will. So don't let's bother about that eh? Real love and all that.I am so amazed by the way God loves us. He has never stopped. He makes me smile and cry as much as ever.Recent news - I have decided not to panic so much. L changed my attitude a bit when I met her today. More decisions - NOT make

Trust Me

2008-04-10T16:32:00.002Z

It seems so long since my post on the 14th. I have learnt so much more since then. I read again a letter a friend wrote when I blogged that post, and it still makes me cry. Thank you for caring - those who read my blog and those who don't. I didn't mean for it to be a pity-party but I think I was really confused then. I have actually grown since then - LOL I know anyone who says that immediately

Cheese, chutney and culture

2008-04-03T16:13:00.002Z

Cheese, chutney and culture.That might be the name of a novel I might write or might not. Who's to guess.Thing is I might do - and I could never have mighted if it weren't for my life now! So yes, two posts back I was feeling like... that. There will probably be other times I'll feel like rehashing the tiredness post. There are several things I don't see the answers to - less answers now than

2008-03-19T02:59:00.001Z

The trouble is I am fine at Uni now, and with most other things. Just that church has never been hard work. But I know - for now and for however long now might extend to - God wants me here and I am happy! Actually.And I'm so grateful for all my wonderful friends like SD, LT, BO and ST.

I am tired.

2008-03-14T22:19:00.004Z

I can't believe how much this hurts. I am in a place with three other lovely girls, and we share so much of our lives together. But I am so much of an outsider, it hurts like hell. And sometimes they - well, not all of them - so completely take what they need. Whereas I would always think if I wanted something: 'No, maybe someone else wants the same thing or someone else wants something that my

Iknow it's coming

2008-03-02T00:51:00.002Z

I feel like I'm searching for something with God, with my friends and family, with my life... something huge and impending that when it comes will eclipse every other interest in my life. Something that will stay within the constant of my Maker. Yet it will take me deeper into the beautiful shared knowledge of a secret gift, like a joke shared under a night sky.Grafx's latest blog post was in

Abba

2008-02-22T17:18:00.002Z

I was there when you drew the breath of lifeAnd I heard your voice the first time that you criedAnd though you couldn't see me, I was very nearAnd there's something now that I want you to hearYou will always be a child in my eyesWhen you need some love, my arms are open wideEven when you're growing older, I hope you realiseYou will always be a child in my eyesI was there the first time that you

Cyber-smile

2008-02-15T17:20:00.003Z

So Val's day has come and gone... And bikers with red roses made me smile. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a propah one... Reading this blog made me realise I might sound like I wouldn't want one. In actual fact, I'd be quite ready to drool obligingly if the right guy came along, and so I try not to when the wrong 'uns smile... And to be fair, you generally get help when you ask for it...No, I've

Me

2008-02-07T17:23:00.000Z

I must say I am shocked shocked shocked at how bloody (am I allowed to say that?) bonkers my English has gone. I say things like 'D'ye 'ave?' and 'Let 'im 'ave a go'. I can't credit it. I mean to myself I think very pristinely. But I shy away from a posh accent (after a posh couple of Unis I think and a not-so-posh one inbetween) and I go end in this extreme. I am a bit confused, with all my

Titbits

2008-02-02T17:39:00.000Z

Made a list of things I would want my husband to be and to be for my husband - perhaps it should be the other way around - if there were going to be one. So if there were going to be one, then God will honour that... It's a pretty darn good list even if I say so myself eh?One thing living with all these Latinas has caused is a rather more frequent perusal of the subject. When I say frequent, it's

Wanting

2008-01-29T17:25:00.000Z

Writing is good for the soul to recoup and remember itself. That's why I'm here, now. I'm quite frustrated with my social skills just now - they tend to oscillate between extremes. I either completely disconnect or entirely make an idiot of myself by blabbing. Well, here I am and I have a lot I could say but don't know how or don't want to say it. Firstly I think that I will move from this

Humph

2008-01-11T11:57:00.000Z

Okay. I am more than a little tired of hearing friends complain about the guys or lack thereof in their lives. Well, why be sexist? I'm just as tired of hearing the guys complain about the girls too. This reaction is probably in response to the general weather this mating season... From the looks of it, it does seem to have come early in my world.I have all these romantic desires and

New Year Resolutions

2008-01-01T11:49:00.000Z

1. Seeking God more. Just Him, not His work, His will, His ministry and His theological stand on things... These things aren't going to run away and hide but they won't take precedence over Him. 2. To shut up more!! Honestly.3. To interact here like I do in the UK instead of whining and reacting.All three are things God's got to make happen, and I'm all for it.Here's wishing y'all a happy new

My theories on Romance - one gripe

2007-12-24T11:44:00.000Z

I have quite a few theories and this is just one gripe. Hehe... as you would expect! I don't quite like the expression 'falling in love' in that it seems to signify spatio-temporal dimensions I don't want to relate to that feeling. But there's nothing quite like it in that it refers to an experience that is nowhere near matched by the ideas conveyed by 'attracted' or 'liking', much less, to me at

I'm special

2007-12-19T14:58:00.001Z

Me. Just me. I'm special!!!!! G-a-h.Even in the most innocuous of situations, I have the uncanny ability to find a way to embarrass myself... It's a gift.So we're all sat in this family gathering as is frequent this time of year, and my chitthappa whom I haven't seen for ages is visiting from the US of A. We were all glad to see him, and I was glad I'd made it to see him too. At least one part of

Bridge

2007-12-12T20:33:00.000Z

Hola mis amigos, tiempo sin verte!! I have missed my space and reverted to it occasionally in memory but never enough to long to sit down and hammer away...I'm glad I'm back though, even though I didn't always know I was missing it. And hey, it hasn't been that long really on the surface. Just about three weeks or so. Not quite the 400 silent years, but hey my point exactly - who says they were

Just because

2007-11-23T17:34:00.001Z

You are beautiful and I can do it.

In Love

2007-11-13T17:44:00.000Z

Apologies however for my own clumsiness in presenting this fantasticity of grace (if you're new to my rambling, I allow myself to invent words...). If you found my last rather melodramatic, that was just me trying in my special clumsy fashion to get my point across. I meant it. The point is this - God loves. Yes, it is covenant love; yes, He asks us to respond. But none of that changes the fact

No Apologies

2007-11-05T17:14:00.000Z

It's fantastic how God says in Jeremiah 3 to the backslider - 'Return and I will cure you of backsliding'! It's not a mewling lover mourning loudly and Orsino-like about the love that has left him. No, it's not even an enraged husband staking all his glory and dignity on the wife who is unfaithful. It's not like a boss who suddenly clutches the last straw within his reach to save face - 'You

The Breaker-Down

2007-10-25T22:36:00.000Z

Sometimes tongues are like a glass of cold water after your morning jog! When you're stuck because you can't say what went wrong and what came right, and you don't know where you want to be or go but you know you must leave this place you are in... Or when you're simply floored by being in love and wonder and peace... Habit is a hard thing to break, especially the habit of thought for me... But

I've got you covered

2007-10-17T16:29:00.000Z

I am here in this place, with tears and smiles beyond my juggling skills. I want somewhere I can go and unburden myself - and you are here. Ready to take it on. I cannot be oblivious to that. Whenever I need you, you are here. Even when I don't see that I need you, you see it. You know me better than I know myself. This love shapes my world. It changes it. Redefines my need for love - you're not

Lux Lucis in Obscurum

2007-10-16T16:20:00.000Z

In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day. - F Scott Fitzgerald.Have you ever been there? When every moment you think morning might come faster, that this waiting might be over - and every time you think it you are reminded of the waiting in an inexorably ticking but never moving time-warp.And you are desperate to leave, to forget. And you claw

This is the day

2007-10-10T16:23:00.001Z

Jesus, I am so thankful for you, and I love you so much. Because you make me smile whenever. Because I have you.

Where I come from

2007-10-07T15:36:00.001Z

I am always not quite sure what people are expecting when they ask me how I was saved. My testimony is dramatic in that all testimonies are - you're born again, how much more life-changing can it get. I am radically saved. But story-wise - I don't know. You decide. There is not much of a plot, climax and denouement. But God requires us to testify of His love (love that song!), so I'm going to do

Hotchpotch

2007-10-07T08:37:00.001Z

Well, I still have too much to blog about to really blog about what I want to blog about - does that make sense? Do I ever?It is Sunday morning and I am feeling blessed and slightly over-rested! Will go to RoL but also visit SE, although I might be a bit late. RoL is home but the students are at different churches and I'm still waiting on God for that one.If you read my spiel about 'Facades,

2007-10-02T17:40:00.001Z

Humph. Want to blog loads and yet there's nothing specific to say... Watch this space.

Facades, Inadequacy and a kitchen table conversation

2007-09-28T16:32:00.000Z

I'm in this place with people I completely sympathise with and am ready to love entirely. So are they. And I am part of another place where people try to be friendly. Some of them succeed, some don't. Homesickness is a funny thing. I am, after today, more homesick for Bangor than India at the moment, I do believe! But then I miss India. I am honoured to be a part of OU, but wondering if it just

26th September 2007

2007-09-28T16:30:00.000Z

Couldn't publish this on the day I wrote it:Might never get a chance to blog from anywhere other than India and the UK - well maybe not from Kuwait anyway :D. Uh huh that's where I am at the moment sitting with all these businessmen florid from the sun and mostly shaven-headed, for pretty much the same reasons I guess, and these sheiks florid from just natural colour and health, tapping away at

:)

2007-09-19T15:21:00.001Z

He said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."Zechariah 4:6

Room 101

2007-09-18T17:15:00.000Z

Okay this is going to be one of those '101' things I just can't GET and which drive me insane!1. When you meet an Indian acquaintance, and you do the mandatory hug and they say "Oh it's been aaages" and you go "Yeah, I know it has, hasn't it? How are you??? Soooo glad to see you" and generally gush because Q.E.D. they have just brought it to your notice that it has been ages - why oh whyyyyyy do

Who let the dogs in? - Misty

2007-09-14T20:02:00.000Z

Long ago - well, not so long if I didn't feel so old - we had a dog called Misty. She was hilarious. She also took it into her gorgeous Alsatian head that I was the younger member of the pack and that I could therefore be bullied. Misty had a name for me - when she wanted me, it wasn't 'bow-wow'. It was, for some odd reason, 'Ya-woo'. Misty also pulled the warning stick out of my hand any time

Emotion register

2007-09-09T17:36:00.000Z

I always feel seriously crappy after feeling happy n high on top of the world -y.I mean something from two days ago will suddenly take to new brooding depths.... Gah!

A Second Helping of India

2007-09-09T16:17:00.000Z

Or maybe thirds or fourths or tenths.Anyway, so seeing my dismal smile of resignation, Random Pastor decided to pitch in. Bless him. Actually all I said was 'Appadiya' literally translating to 'Is that right?' and meaning a lame 'Oh okay'. All smiles now, The Me although my mum or best friends would have detected a slightly weak stretch of lip more like a grimace... Random Pastor asked: 'Right

A piece of India

2007-09-02T12:29:00.000Z

Sunday before last, church was out on an evangelistic visit to a village. Two villages actually - and it was way cool. The village women actually cooked a huge meal for us at the end of it! Some more slurping! There was a childless couple there - and they made me get a bit weepy. I mean why? But we looked at each other tearily and were girls. I hugged her and she hugged back - ain't that a kick

Murder

2007-08-18T04:50:00.000Z

My blog is like my happy place at the moment - yeah, personal shrink and all that... Btw don't get me started on the shrink fad, it won't help my ahem readership ;)First I am extremely tired. Therefore it makes perfect sense that every time I am tired even at one in the morning I am praying and/or blogging! - or not. Prayer works. Blogging is a feeling in my thumbs, those entirely h-sapient

Slurps, sighs and spaces inbetween

2007-08-11T17:31:00.000Z

Sluuurrrrp. Fish fry and chicken curry, appam and fish molie, praline souffle and chocolate mousse, bacon and chicken foccaccio with chicken cheese paratha, chocolate icecream, amma's curry and mangooooooes, kalappam and honey dosais, sapotas, pasta and a whole load of Mars bars. I repeat - mangoes.I repeat, with just so many rs and us - sluuurrrrp.Siiigghhh. Starting with the perfect bamboo bag

My bizarre goings-on

2007-08-05T16:41:00.000Z

The most normal activity for the average girl and law-abiding citizen in your average family friendly neighbourhood in the late hours of the night - climbing down a ladder and a drainpipe onto a window to redeem a razor because it is the last remaining one before we can get to a shop tomorrow!! Yes, that would be normal, thank you...LOL. We have had an interesting weekend as A & M have arrived

Word

2007-07-30T11:57:00.000Z

You search in so many places for the real me because you cannot bear the silence of waiting. It is the sort of silence one dreads. The silence in which you can hear yourself. But it is in the silence of waiting that I am found. In the truth about yourself, I come. Where I have always been, but you have chosen not to see. Vulnerability is the cost you must count.

Altars on the journey

2007-07-29T11:55:00.000Z

Recently I have had what we shall call 'misty moments' rather more often. I suppose in seeking God, brokenness must come. It hurts. I've heard people say love hurts - that's probably why we don't spend enough time on our relationships. Well, I don't. I tend to think the more I love someone, the more secure that relationship is aaaand (here's the real cringer) therefore the less work and time it

?

2007-07-21T12:26:00.000Z

Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.What, then, do I do? As I seek the answer, I am learning and unlearning. But I need an answer! But as I seek answers, I come out with peace - no answers yet, but Jesus. Strange working indeed.

My favourite story as a child - it still is one of my favourites and means so much

2007-07-16T16:22:00.000Z

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't

My world this week ;)

2007-07-11T16:00:00.000Z

At this point in time, I am really finding waiting on your will hard for me. It's as if you don't hear, and yet when you speak I know you have. And you do speak. Even now.I'd love my blogging friends who share the faith to pray for me :)I have had a fantastic week. There has been so much fun and being together with friends and family. And yet both my mum and I feel that just the one thing has

This is not a sad post

2007-06-30T11:59:00.001Z

It is as if I search for you, but I have lost the way to you. I know I haven't - the way to you is you.As though I were speaking and speaking of nothing, until I forgot how to listen. It is as if I am lost because you are lost. And my way to anyone is lost - or I fear that it will be in the brain-warp that I have stupidly created.I know this moment is of my making and I know these feelings are

The song I've been listening to over and over again for the past couple of days!

2007-06-28T12:10:00.000Z

I know my Redeemer Lives- Nicole C MullenWho taught the sun where to stand in the morningWho told the ocean you can only come this far?Who showed the moon where to hide 'til eveningWhose words alone can catch a falling star?Well I know my Redeemer livesI know my Redeemer livesAll of creation testifyThis life within me criesI know my Redeemer livesThe very same God that spins things in orbitHe

Bubble and squeak

2007-06-20T11:56:00.001Z

Here I sit in my little Christian bubble, using 'faith-speak' and hoping to speak to the uninitiated. I don't want to 'convert' people, I am not trying. Yet I am inadequate in expressing the vastness of a love that is beyond telling. A love that flows into you and makes you love other people. A love that is so strong that it changes the definition of 'unrequited', and always nullifies it.When I

Randomness

2007-06-20T04:45:00.000Z

Hmmm, why on earth would you listen to 'Ahuh, uh huh (good girl gone bad)' to make you feel better?? I mean why?AB's having a bad case of nearly love again. AB's a darling.Beautiful weather. There is absolutely nothing unlovely about rain. Or clouds.I just might change to a new blogspot for complete anonymity. Just might be fun, seeing how people find me then or joining blogrolls and the like.

Barking at a memory

2007-06-14T11:48:00.000Z

Tassi, our 'middle' dog, is a feisty little dachshund. She is like one of those people who never run out of interesting things to say - interesting, at least to themselves (I wonder where she gets it from, not me for sure ;D)... So she's always talking, not just barking, but in a continued non-bark syntactic sounding sort of way. And she will never stop barking at people or animals outside our

me loves this pup

2007-06-09T13:20:00.001Z

so i'm gorgeous - and?! boootiful babess!!soppy lil cuddler :D - that's what he does when he wants a cuddle. puts his neck down in the most uncomfortable way!

Famous Last Words

2007-06-08T19:37:00.001Z

Why am I writing at ten past one am? Because I am mad. Insanity I suppose has run in the family - I'm sure I've heard covert, oblique references to a single aunt somewhere who was slightly off it. Pity she didn't know me - and pity she probably wasn't rich... I'm mad but not stupid ;) Maybe even two mad aunts. And they weren't even in the attic - Gilbert and Dubar, eat your heart out. He he he *

Ancient paths

2007-06-07T11:42:00.000Z

I just read a post by 'Lord Veritas' called Heaven Without Christ and it hit home. Reminded me of something I have always held a dear cause... Why preach if you don't preach Christ? Surely philosophy and theory and opinion have their place - but I'm guessing people already know or have their own opinions about it. I am probably going to go off on a completely wide tangent here - but hey, hence

The best so far, and better yet to come

2007-06-05T18:29:00.000Z

Thank You. That is all I need to say, yet so little - but nothing is 'enough' in infinity.

Dunamis

2007-06-04T12:17:00.000Z

I think it must be a largely Indian thing to favour PG Wodehouse - few of the non-Indian members of my acquaintance do...God has been doing quite a few things in my life lately. Tomorrow will be 12 years since I accepted Jesus as Lord - AND Saviour - and said Welcome, Holy Spirit... And how gorgeous and exciting that feels, and still promises to be is something words fail me for...I read this

Of psycho-analyses, promised lands and PG Wodehouse

2007-05-27T12:45:00.000Z

These days I am a strange bundle of contradictions. (I mean I've always been a BoC but these days I'm a strange one). Sometimes I am so disappointed about the fact that I cannot be myself. These times are painful. Other times I am shocked at the me that I am. These times are first disappointing, then slowly painful. I suspect being the one will even out the other. But I am annoyed with myself for

Funny English contd...

2007-05-27T12:37:00.000Z

Or - or 'hair-brained' *she gasps* - I mean that would be a major foolicle ;). Where on earth do they get these ideas?? I s'pose it's because more native speakers speak and don't read - and so they assume 'hair', 'hare' not being in their immediate (dare I say limited?) vocabulary at all! But aaahh!!Or 'bear-faced design'?? I mean - so there's a horse-faced design and a bull-faced design in the

Funny English

2007-05-24T03:30:00.000Z

">LinkI talk too much - faaaaaarrrr too much. Tis a far, far better thing to shut up than I have ever done before... but unlike Carton I don't think I'm going to follow through. You might also guess that I am in another of those silly moods, somewhat like my ramble about a month ago ... maybe I'm just well-timed. Or you might notice because of the wealth of wisdom I display (now if I could

Fruit of the Spirit

2007-05-23T12:23:00.000Z

I know that I have subjected you, dear reader (I told you I had a Bronte complex, just be glad I didn't go with 'gentle reader' :P), to a recent prolificacy (I checked and that word does exist :P) of short spurts of creativity... And I am probably going to do it again. Maybe you're better off without the longer, rather interminable rambles ;)God taught me something, gave me a flash of insight

Re: A love note

2007-05-22T12:23:00.001Z

">LinkShe listened to the preacher talking about the abundance of joy God gives. How had she forgotten if but for a moment? Where had those walls come from? They were easy enough to break but who built them? When?When the meeting came to an end and the usual songs were sung and the prayer was being prayed, the preacher asked for the people to lift their hands up as a token and receive the